Online dating first messages - pretty girl in red smiling at her cell phone

How To Write Awesome Online Dating First Messages

So now that you’ve carefully crafted your awesome profile on Plenty Of Fish or, let’s learn how to write online dating first messages that work.

We don’t want all your hard work to come to naught by just sending a generic message like”Hi!” or sounding like everyone else with, “You’re cute!”

We want your first messages to count.

People that are serious about finding a relationship are looking for more than just good looks.

Your first message will be the first real impression of you so let’s make it good!

Now let’s get started…

This post may contain affiliate links read my full disclaimer for more info.

Online Dating First Messages For Men

Let’s face it, the majority of men don’t have a clue on what to say in their first message.

Many don’t want to put too much effort into the message because they’re not sure if they’ll get a reply.

I’ll be honest with you, you’ll need to put in a little more effort into your messaging than women do.

It may seem unfair but women are a little more complex when it comes to our needs.

So to begin with, your chances of getting a reply to your messages depend on your profile pictures.

Before you start sending out messages you may want to read:

How to Write An Attractive Online Dating Profile


10 Online Dating Mistakes You Need To Stop Making.

And I’ll let you in on a little secret…

When women receive messages they are going to filter out the gross looking dudes first and then read the rest.

Now note that I said, “gross looking”.

I’m talking about men who don’t put any thought into their profile pictures.

These are men who have pictures where they are shirtless, have hairy chests, scruffy beards, and oily hair.

If you don’t consider yourself attractive then make sure you have a clean, presentable picture and craft your message carefully.

Candid portrait of friendly smiling man

Read Her Profile

Take the time to read her profile and see what she’s about, what her interests are, and what you have in common.

Perhaps even see what her zodiac sign is and make mention how compatible you two are.

The point I’m making here is you need to show that you took the time to read and get to know her through her profile.

Let me give you an example of one of my own experiences.

On my profile, I put part of the lyrics to the song, The Story by Brandi Carlile, it’s one of my favorite songs.

I received a message from a guy I’m not typically attracted to but his message intrigued me.

His opening line was, “Wow, that’s a haunting song.”

He said a few more things but what got my attention was that he actually took the time to youtube the song and listen to it.

This tells me that he’s the type of guy who’s really interested in getting to know me and will make when in a relationship.

Needless to say, we started a conversation and ended up meeting and went on a few dates.

If you’re wondering what happened, it didn’t work out because he couldn’t accept the fact that I still loved my late husband.

It takes a special man who is secure in himself to love a widow and understand that love doesn’t divide, it multiplies!

But let’s get back to what we are talking about…

You gotta read her profile and allude to some of the things she talks about in your first message.

If she has a picture of her child or dog, talk about how you love dogs or kids (but make sure that you do…LOL)

If she enjoys cooking tell her you’ll wash the dishes!

Don’t Talk About Her Looks

It’s best if you talk about her interests, what you have in common and not how she looks.

This will make you stand out from the others who only message on how beautiful, sexy, or gorgeous she is.

Make your message about three sentences long but not too much more.

The first line is about her.

Second is about you, and the last sentence is a question she can reply to.

By asking a question, you are helping to move the conversation forward when she replies.

You can even add a P.S. if you want, as that could be appealing.

Here’s a great video from Plenty Of Fish on online dating first messages

I’m partial to Plenty Of Fish as I met my husband there. Plus, it has many great free features that others don’t.

Read, POF Review- 6 Reason It’s The Best Dating Website For You.

It’s worth giving it a try!

Online Dating First Messages For Women

Good news ladies, men love it when you make the first move!

Statistically, more than 90% of men like it when you message them first because it takes the pressure off and lets them know you are interested.

One thing I have learned in my 50 years is most “good men” are shy or hesitant about approaching a woman, and mostly, it’s the players that find it easy to approach a woman.

So go ahead, make the first move and send that message.

This is where things differ with men…It’s okay to just send one-liners like “Hi, you have beautiful eyes!”, or “I love the beach too, how often do you go?”

In other words, something simple.

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

Let’s be honest here, most men are visual beings and go by what they see first, so be sure to have a great main profile picture.

Put your make-up (not heavy) and lashes on and make sure you have good lighting so you can have a profile picture that pops.

The 8″ Selfie Ring Light below will help, just click on the picture to check it out on Amazon.

Very important, give your best smile that reaches your eyes.

Woman's online dating profile

If you feel that you’re not that attractive, then say something creative in your message.

Don’t just give up, if you don’t send that message you’ll never know!

I have an embarrassing story to tell you about me…

There’s this girl I know who has a beautiful face, is quite heavy and who seems that no matter what, she’s unhappy.

She met a guy online and was moving away to be with him.

While I was happy for her, I wondered how long it would last, not because of her weight but because of her negative, whiny character.

They got married and after about a year they moved back here to live.

I gotta tell you, I was expecting her husband to be heavy as well (shame on me!) but let me tell you, he was hot!

To make a long story short, they didn’t last long and they got a divorce.

During their divorce, I saw him at a place we both frequent and he told me what was happening and he ended up sobbing in my arms.

Being single at the time, I thought this was my chance and friended him on Facebook.

I figured, hey, I’m an attractive woman and I know how to make a man happy…so I thought this was my chance to make my move.

But it never went anywhere and the next thing I knew, he was in a new “relationship” and it was with a big and beautiful woman!

Then it dawned on me, I wasn’t his type!

No matter how attractive you are you’re not going to be every man’s cup of tea, so don’t be discouraged if you don’t get a reply to some of your messages.

They’re just not into you and that’s okay because Mr. Right is just right around the corner!

Talk About Yourself

The consensus is, men like it when you talk about yourself.

Those who are interested in you want to fantasize about you and what life will be like with you.

Read their profile and if they like sports, tell them what team is your favorite, or how you make great snacks, then ask who their favorite team is.

Tell them about the last movie you watched that really moved you and ask them what type of movies do they like.

Be Bold And Confident About Yourself

One of the things you can include in your first online dating messages is stating the truth boldly and confidently about yourself, and loving who you are.

Be Confident - plus size woman taking at mirror selfie at home -

Things like, “I’m a bit older than what you’re looking for but when we meet you won’t care!” (Trust me, this works. I did an experiment and 4 out of the 5 guys I sent this message to responded back favorably. I’m now married to one of them. Ha!)

Or, if you’re on the curvy side like I am, and the man you’re interested in is built, you can say something like, “With my curves and your great muscles we can make superhero babies!” ( Even if you’re both too old to have babies, they will find this humorous. It’ll make them laugh and pique their interest! )

Look, what it’s really all about is being confident in yourself.

Confidence is very attractive.

Online Dating First Messages Summary

In all, there are no hard and fast rules for your first messages.

What I can tell you is that if you never send that first message and you’re waiting for them to initiate the first contact, you’re narrowing your online dating network.

Be bold, be confident and just do it!

Your Turn…

We would all love to see some of the messages you’ve received that you feel is funny, touching or piqued your interest. Copy and paste them in the comments below (without the sender’s username or profile picture, just the message)

Thank you for reading and I wish you love!


P.S. Have you heard of the new Facebook Dating App? You should check it out!

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